It feels as if it's being squeezed to lifelessness...
I'm thinking about love, and how to some it's just "chemical" and just "sex."
In hollywood, you see this eminent. No, you won't hear them say it, but if you watch any "romance" genre movie, most likely the couple of interest will end up in bed with eachother. Before marriage. Before commitment. Sex is usually the culmination of finally admitting they've "fallen in love" with the other. It's as if all paths lead to that. Most PG-13 movies have some sort of sexual encounter; and, most assuredly, there's some type of lewd sexual banter. Then, think of advertisements all around us. Usually they use a portion of the female body to sell their product. OR, they are selling the females. I opened up an Orange County weekly news addition pamphlet the other day, and in the ad section they had information for call girls and other sexual encounters. You know what they called this section - "Adult Interests." As if the individuals using these services are "mature adults." In fact, they are acting more like immature animals than anything. But, we'll get to that later.
For people who don't think critically, our over-saturated sexual environment makes going to a strip club, using "call girls," or looking at junk online a part of human nature...
I was at work one day, and heard one of my managers talking. It was going to be his birthday soon. I love birthdays! How exciting. I heard them saying, "Oh yeah, we're gonna go celebrate!" Then, I heard him and some of the others continuing to talk about plans - "We're going to the strip club. It's going to be wild." They were bantering back and forth as if they were going bowling. Like it was no big deal. The next day, the attendees were so tired, and were saying, "It was great!" Nothing like birthday fun, right?
The thing that bothered me most about this whole exchange is that this manager is one of my favorites. He's just your down to earth good guy with a serious girlfriend. But, I guess to them, it was normal. No big deal. Doesn't hurt anyone, right?
Hormones.
Chemicals.
Human nature.
Wrong. This is what has my heart compressed and squeezed so tight. I have to keep myself from screaming at the top of my lungs at these guys - "DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SUPPORTING." Strip clubs are ports or gateways for prostitution and sex-trafficking. Many of them work closely with pimps and have prostitution on the side; many also employ underaged girls. Some of the clubs bring in women from other countries, or the pimps provide those women, and they are really victims of trafficking. Or victims of emotional exploitation upon insecurities and feelings of helplessness. Just some birthday fun? Right!
"I was a stripper." One of my friends told me. I looked at her - so beautiful, so thin, so loving. "I hated myself, and it was a way to feel like I was wanted." She explained that she started as just a server at a strip joint, and promised herself that's all she would do. But, eventually she saw how much more money the strippers would make, and decided to try it. "I still can't believe that was me. It felt like a totally different person. I disconnected. And, the thing is, I didn't make that much more money than I do now as a waitress at a good restaurant. At the time, though, I thought that was all I could do - they made me believe it was the only way I could make that much money." My beautiful friend would talk about some of the feelings of hatred and just awfulness of the exploitation of her body that she experienced. She never told stories though. Just feelings. I don't think I could have handled the stories.
But, I'm hearing stories now. All the time. About girls exploited for sex around the world. There's one grandma to the children we work with in Bulgaria who refuses to let her granddaughter even play volleyball. She's the guardian of this lovely young teenager, and fears the "onlookers" at the practices will try and steal her granddaughter away. Sounds obsessive. It happens. It happens over in this small European country...all the time.
After all, it's just a part of human nature.
Chemicals.
Hormones.
Right?
Sure, sex is a part of love. A beautiful part created by God. IN the context of MARRIAGE. There's a problem when this just becomes a chemical thing, however, and when it's just what love comes down to. That's the state the world seems to be going towards, even if people don't say it. If all this is just a part of human nature and instincts, it takes the mind and heart out of it. But love, and love and sex requires both of these.
It requires the mind.
Heart.
Soul.
Strength.
All of it.
And, it requires that we as a people begin to think with all our strength about the heart, mind, and soul of others. If my boss and his friends had thought about the heart, mind and soul of the strippers before they went to the place, they probably would have had guilt the entire time. The girls would suddenly become more than objects. Humanize the girl, and you have to humanize yourself and ask, "What is this costing her to do this; what is it costing me to enjoy this?" It's costing both their heart and soul. As my friend, who was the stripper, said, she was a completely different person when she was doing the dancing for a living. She had to disconnect herself from herself. If all of this was just a natural part of human nature, why would it require people to disconnect from their hearts and souls? It's not natural...
Love is not a feeling, hormones, chemicals.Yes, people can FEEL love, but if it doesn't go beyond that, it's not true love.
Love takes the entirety of who you are as a human being: heart, soul, mind.
After all, doesn't the scriptures say, "Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself."
We can't love anyone else until we are learning to love with the entirety of our being. To love means to give of our thoughts, emotions, and essence of self to another.
First to God.
Then, we learn how to love/respect all He's created us to be.
Finally, we can give that same respectful loving to the others (neighbors) around us.
We can't isolate what we give in love to a single thing like emotions or hormones. Sex. It has to be ALL of us. It has to be all of us thinking about all of the other person. Their heart, mind, and soul, not just their body or how they make us feel. Most of you reading this probably agree with me already. I don't have to convince you. So, let me break the problem down to a practical level of everyday love...
The bottom line of this problem of love we are talking about today is objectifying. It's obvious that our society objectifies for pleasure, but in a non-sexual way we objectify as well. Sometimes, I see a checker a the grocery store as someone who is just processing my order so I can leave; or, I see a customer at my job as just another customer like the last customer, or the one before them. When I do this, I've objectified these people and am not loving them. I know I don't love every person, every day. But, I want to. Do you? Each day, we all need to remember that loving well takes all of us choosing to love a person for all of them!
If our world began to no longer objectify and to love the person, life would change. Sex-trafficking and sexual exploitation would be over. Because, to love this way is to be fully human - human as we are intended to be - instead of animalistic; when we use the human mind, heart, and soul to love, we are awakened to the humanity of others.
Suddenly, they have a story.
They have a life.
And, they also deserve love that ministers to their mind, heart, and soul.
When we are real and they are real, love becomes real.
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