GENDER BATTLE: The Cry to War FOR, not against, the Other!

THE BATTLE OF THE QUESTION

"Where have all the men gone?"

I hear this question a lot;  and, I'll admit, I've asked it myself a few times.  Okay, more than a few times! But, another question I think we should be asking is, "Where has femininity gone?"  Not, "Where have all the women gone?" because, oh, are there ever "women" abounding.  You cannot go anywhere without women displaying themselves in front of your eyes:  magazine covers, billboards, television commercials, and even while walking along the street you'll see a-whole-lotta women - too much in fact.  Not that there are too many women, but what I mean is you see too much OF them, their body and their skin and brazen attitude overshadows the fact that beneath it all there is a heart and mind.  Which is why I ask, "Where has femininity gone?"  Answering the cry for femininity links to answering the question of "Where have all the men gone?"  So, this blog is for men and women - for, we are both responsible to God and to each other to be accountable for our own gender-roles, and to be supportive of our counter-part's role.

SEXY vs. FEMININE - BEING A TRUE LADY

First, to the ladies:  ladies, if we want a man, we must be more than just a "woman," we must be feminine!  It's obvious we're women, but it seems in our world today that we must prove this by being sexy and gathering attention through our bodies.  And, we're taught to perfect the art of flirtation and subduction.  The more attention we get, the more drooling guys we have following after us, the more "woman" we are.  Often, we inadvertently gain this perspective because the women we see on the magazines tell us to be like HER - the suggestive look, the cleavage wearing/mid-drift showing, independent woman who is free and confident, right?  She can get any man she wants, right?  I'm here to say, no.  No, that's not what being a woman is all about; no that's not what it means to be confident and free; and no, that won't get the man you really want.  If we want a man, a true warrior, then we must not display our woman-hood with our bodies and seduction, but through femininity.  This word has become archaic in our society, and I want to excavate it and begin bringing it back to life.  So, let me explain what being feminine involves; first, let's look at Genesis.  Genesis speaks of woman as being a "helper" to man; and she was also the final crescendo in the creation process.  This means, we were formed to support men, to help them in becoming all they can be, not to try and control them and conquer them with our "charms."  We also are to display and bring the final touch of beauty to all of creation, hence our society (isn't that what Eve did).  Not beauty as the world defines it, which encourages lust, but a beauty that inspires valor and integrity from those around us.  How can we expect respect from men when we aren't carrying ourselves with respect?  If we can't set boundaries and coverings with our own bodies, can we really expect that they cover us and protect boundaries?  No, the beauty we were created to shed in this world is God's beauty.  These are the characteristics of beauty God displays that are to shine from within us, and be cast to the world around us:  His gentleness, displayed in the the soft colors of the evening; His sacrifice and heart of giving, which is shown in nature by the ways female wildlife will give their lives for their young; His compassion, shown by Jesus Himself when He ministered to children, prostitutes, and broken people; His sweetness, reflective in countless ways from honey, to the scent of flowers, to the presence of His Spirit we declare sweet, to the juice of a pineapple, to the taste of mountain stream water, to...well, you get the point, God is beautiful in His sweetness!  Gentleness, sacrifice, giving, compassion, and sweetness are all things that define a feminine heart and capture God's beauty within us.  Yes, we still need to take care of ourselves, after all, we are God's "temple" and so we must respect our bodies.  With self-care and the characteristics of beauty paired together, we display true femininity;  a femininity that INSPIRES man to be all HE was created to be.  Before I move on, I have one final thing to say, you may be reading this, my fellow lady, and cringing.  You may be thinking - smock wearing, push-over, mild little church-mouse is what being "feminine" means.  Heck no!  Being gentle, sacrificial, giving, compassionate, and sweet does not mean you become quiet, diminutive, and fashion-less.  I am a far cry from that - I wear bright colors and high heels, state my opinion when needed, and am passionate about life.  It takes great strength and assertiveness to be truly feminine because often you must stand alone, have a heart that is willing to expand and hurt for others, and have confidence and boldness to declare/defend what's right and true!  Churchmouse?!?  No.  Lion-ness?  YES!  Fierce sacrifice and giving paired with gentle care for the vulnerable mark a female lion, thus mark your feminine heart - so erase the thought that feminine means doormat, and instead realize again that God created femininity as a necessity to help bring completion to creation's beauty and inspire justice in this world.

TO MEN:  WHAT FEMININITY CRIES FOR 

Alright!  For the men still reading, if you skipped over the above address to females, I think it's important that you read it.  Understanding that there are some ladies who desire to go against the tide of selfish-womanhood may encourage you to continue striving to be the man your heart longs to be.  Now, I know I'm just a girl and I don't know what it means to be a man, but I do know a few things.  I know that the way the world displays women, and the way women display themselves, has done a disservice to you.  For this, I am sorry.  We've created an environment where it's HARD to be a real man.  Not only do we make it difficult for you to live in purity, but often your efforts have been devalued when you try and rise up; the times you've tried to open the door, let a lady go first in line, offered to help, extended a genuine compliment and you're efforts have been denied have all built up to scream out, "Don't try," and "that's not what women really want."  All of those magazines, movies, etc suggest that women want something different; they say, "I am woman, I want to be conquered."  They also say, "I don't need you," "I am an object for you to stare at and drool over," and "I like to flirt and play, with no real commitment, because I'm free-woman."  But, that is a lie, for true femininity asks that you support and protect her.  True femininity pleads that you stand up and be a MAN and a WARRIOR.  With all these mixed messages, I can understand why men wonder, "What on earth do women want?" and women ask, "Where have all the men gone."  Because we're both not supporting eachother.  Before I speak from my hear to you, men, I think we need to revisit all that a woman is not supposed to be or made to be, in order to see what a real lady is and what she wants...

FEMININITY'S CRY TO THE WARRIORS

I am not...

a piece of meat,

a challenge to defeat;

another pin-up on your wall

or girl on call.

I am not...

just a pretty face,

one more body covered in frill and lace;

a girl in the crowd

you can heckle out loud.

I am not...

an image to be oogled

or a prospect to be googled;

nor a simple ego-booster

admiring as you strut around like a rooster.

Finally, I am not... 

a materialist easily bought,

an object quickly caught,

a body with no brain 

who plays some game for my own gain.

But, I AM...

an intelligent conversation

who has a heart for this nation;

a listening ear 

with empathy's tear.

I AM...

a lady,

formed by the loving God who made-me;

a bearer of grace

with the goal to show Jesus' radiant face.

I AM...

a work of art

to be admired with respect to start;

a combination of body, mind and heart,

made to be sweet by the Spirit, not bitter-tart.

I AM...

wanting to bring true beauty to this earth,

striving to inspire new life to birth,

asking men to stand for me when I face defenselessness,

pleading they see me as a princess,

begging men to believe all that I am not

and see all that I AM is to be protected and sought.

I AM every woman who stand for femininity in this world,

crying for men to let their warrior-heart be unfurled. 

                                                              © Krinda Joy, July 30,2011

If you are a man, and you are reading this, this is what real femininity pleas for, and cries out for in tears on her pillow at night.  Deep down, you know God created you as an overseer of creation, like Adam, and to stand for justice, love, and right in this world.  He gave you woman as a gift, and gifts are to be cherished.  She was a gift to complete your life and to help you to achieve your mission on this earth.  So, let her in!  Let her be a part of your heart, let her help teach you to learn to love more gently, and let her inspire you to be the warrior of your childhood longings.  Stop hiding in the safety of isolation, and let her touch the place within that asks for feminine encouragement, approval, and nurturing.  I know it takes vulnerability, and it's easier to keep a woman out of your heart, but when you shut-out and shut-down and get "rough," it's like telling her she has nothing to offer and no beauty she can impart (think of those times I talked about earlier when you tried to be chivalrous and it was shoved in your face - same  concept).  Don't tell her to "be tough," or discourage her from loving you; for if you protect a woman's femininity, she will respect and encourage your masculinity.  Now, I understand, women have abused so many men who have opened up to them.  Once again, I'm sorry, but please don't shut down from being a man.  Please hear the request of the feminine heart that asks that you see her as a princess, to listen to her, and to be the one who will believe in her and fight for her.  Be willing to go to battle for injustices in this world, and to be a little wild in the risks you're willing to take - like Jesus, who overturned the temple tables, went into the wilderness for 40 days to pray for His purpose in this world, defied religion, and walked on the water in the MIDST of the storm!  Yet, Christ listened to the cry of the bleeding woman, defended the adulterer, and honored the former prostitute, all who came to Him for His covering.  He protected them in their defenselessness and vulnerability.  He was a man of intense fight AND an open heart; that's what true femininity looks for and is calling for in men.

TURNING THE QUESTION ON YOURSELF

Now, in closing, I have to address that single men and women must approach with a bit more caution.  For example, a single women has to be careful with how she lets her "nurturing" heart out around men, and a single man cannot "fully open" to a woman.  However, we can support and encourage each other to be truly feminine and truly masculine.  Women can honor men by how they present themselves, and men can protect women by defending her and looking at her as a beautiful creation of God.  We must stop bickering about each-other, and instead:  (1. Seek to represent our gender as God created us to be, and (2. Choose to see and support the other gender as God created them to be.  

Turn the question of the apparent lack of manhood/womanhood on yourself: ask instead, "Am I being all that I AM supposed to be?"